UN General Assembly 2008
PakInd
Recently we saw the leaders of India and Pakistan give speeches at the UN General Assembly. The texts can be found here: http://www.un.org/ga/63/generaldebate/india.shtml and http://www.un.org/ga/63/generaldebate/pakistan.shtml
However, we found through secret sources that Singh and Zardari had alternate speeches in mind, but were forced to change them at the last minute. We bring to you, exclusively, snippets of their originals.
Asif Ali Zardari: In the name of Benazir, I would like to thank everyone for this opportunity. It is unfortunate that our party chairman, Bilawal, could not be with us here today as he has three papers due soon. On this auspicious occasion I would like to thank my family, Allah, and the US for bringing me into power, I mean, for giving me the chance to govern Pakistan. My plans for the next couple of years, or at least until the blessings of the ISI and NAB are with us, are to increase Pakistan’s prominence in the world and continue fighting the war on terror. First, to increase the importance of Pakistan, I know what I have to do, establish personal relationships with US politicians. I feel a little shy saying this, but Governor Palin was very welcoming (and oh so gorgeous), and Senator Obama, oh, he is so nice, he pronounced the name of Pakistan correctly, and Senator McCain continued to assure us that we will continue getting aid, and that the US will take care of the troublesome tribal regions. In conclusion, my trip to New York, which was my second home during the times when Pakistan was too dangerous to live in and I lucky to leave, and to the UN, has proven to be very successful. Tonight I would like to invite you all to join us for dinner at Geisha, it is a small gathering, me and my team of just 60 people, and do not worry its on the Pakistani tax payers. Thank you for your time.
Manmohan Singh: Good morning, I would like to thank everyone for this opportunity and apologize on behalf of Ms Sonia Gandhi. Ms Gandhi is very busy attending the governmental matters in India, which is why she has sent me to address you all today. First on my agenda is the Nuclear Deal, with great pleasure I can announce that France is supporting India. I had the honor of meeting President Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni, I must say more Ms Bruni proved her talents as a shrewd negotiator, and once again I realized how superior women are as decision makers. Moving on, the deal is very important to us because it allows us to further expand our energy potential, never mind what the Lok Sabha says, it is only the approval of Congress, the true party of India, that makes a difference. I am not at liberty to talk more about the deal yet, as orders from India have not come for such disclosure. Unfortunately, I have to take your leave now, as I have to attend a graduation ceremony where a scholarship is being named after me, also I would like to extend an invitation to everyone to a lecture I am giving titled- ‘The Economic Advantages to working as a proxy politician’.